sitting on the lanai writing to you. i've paused messages/phone for the last day. in monk mode.

[bells ringing]

yesterday i was stuck thinking about the future again. the decisions i make now have real weight. i guess that's why i'm taking so much time with them. its not so light in the end.

the internet has felt the most like home. when you've spent so much of your childhood here its difficult not to feel this way. being in nature also feels like home. i miss the pasture lands and forest around the house i grew up in.

i guess its really a question of how to live. like where do you put your energy. how do you put energy into things that won't just dissolve? or maybe that's inevitable

the sky is very blue today. no monks